I'm not a great clutter clearer. Let's be honest, I'm pretty awful at it. It's not that I don't enjoy it when I can manage it - I love the feeling of clearing out, making a fresh start, making more space in my home, my life, my head. It's just that when it comes down to each individual item, I find it hard to let go. There's always that what if moment - what if I miss it, what if it turns out I really did need it etc etc. Then there's the emotional, sentimental side of things - and trust me I can get sentimentally attached to a wide range of objects. My brother could gleefully tell you numerous stories from my childhood: of my reluctance to say goodbye to our old cooker, to eat the chocolate parrot, to throw away the lamb's tail my grandad had found for me (mum put her foot down on that one, thankfully). I have hardened my heart a little bit since those days, but old habits die hard...
But one thing that does really help me overcome my natural hoarding instinct is thinking about what clutter I'm piling up for my children to inherit. I'm not planning to shuffle off this mortal coil any time soon, but when the moment comes I don't want to leave my boys to sort through my piles of "useful papers" or stash of strange sentimental items, their significance known only to me.
Having been through the experience of clearing out my parent's house, I know what an arduous task it can be. And yet we were lucky: my dad was a man who lived a fairly simple life, who didn't hoard possessions or insist on tangible representations of his life history. But in sorting through what he did have, I became acutely aware that every piece of paper I stow away in the back of the loft cupboard will have to come out again at some point to be considered and decided upon - either by me, or by those I leave behind.
If that wasn't enough, the mere fact that we have chosen to save something makes the next person's decision even harder - if mum saw fit to save this, they might think, then it must have great significance. How can we throw it away? And so a momentary decision not to send that ornament to the charity shop carries the danger of it being passed down through the generations, a testimony to hoarding and indecision.
As Lake Wobegon's Clarence Bunson says "Damn souveneirs are like mercury in the bloodstream, except they're hereditary too. You suffer from it and then give it to your kids."*
I'm pleased my dad didn't throw everything away - it is nice to have a few pieces around my house that speak of home, of my childhood. Maybe my boys will want to be able to do the same. But ultimately I know that what I want to leave my children is an understanding of what was really important in my life - and I hope that will be found in a head and heart full of happy memories, rather than the box of junk in their attic.
*in "A Glass of Wendy", from Leaving Home by Garrison Keillor 1987
Showing posts with label clutter and chaos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clutter and chaos. Show all posts
Friday, 25 March 2011
Friday, 11 March 2011
Creeping my way to victory
I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. Its one of the faults in my thinking (I've read my CBT self-help book so I know this kind of thing). It means that I like perfection, want to be the best and only the best, and if any imperfection sneaks in, I tend to think its ruined everything.
In terms of my approach to work, the house etc. it just tends to increase my procrastination. If I'm going to do anything I want to do the whole thing, there and then; I like to feel I can do a massive job, a big noticeable task that will give me a real sense of achievement and hopefully be appreciated by everyone else. Not some minor, every day task that feels like just the tip of the big lurking iceberg.
So I don't sit down and write any of my novel because I might only have time to do 100 words and what I'd really like is to solve all the plot glitches and write at least 3 chapters. Why not wait until I can set aside a whole morning to the task, when I'm feeling fresh and full of inspiration? Of course the problem is I never actually achieve the latter, wherease if I actually did the former twice a week then by the end of the year I'd have written over 10,000 words. Maths and reality suggest this would be more promising approach, and yet than annoying little bit in my brain stops me.
In terms of jobs around the house I have to confess I take a certain satisfaction from taking a real mess and transforming it into beauty. (I blame it on too much childhood reading of The Secret Garden). In a perverse way I quite like it when the house is really untidy, the washing overflowing, and everything needs sorting and I know I can take a day to transform it. It is sort of comforting to reach a low point and know that the only way is up. I suppose I like to see where I've been. So much more rewarding than the approach I know I should do - a bit of dusting each day, a load of washing, picking up a few things as I go round. I know, deep down, that this is the answer, that it would save me having to have those awful late night cleaning sessions before the in-laws come, or panicking when someone unexpectedly calls round. But it would still take a lot of my time, and a lot of ongoing will power, and who would notice??
But enough is enough, and so I am starting to change my thinking, to adjust to a new way of looking at things. I am coming to realise that the all out battles often leave me feeling exhausted, frustrated and no closer to winning the war. So I'm trying to adopt the long term trategy. I like to think of it as "creeping death" (where death is a good thing you understand, in terms of the clutter in my house and my in-tray).
Every toy I pick up, every piece of clothing that goes through the wash, every item that goes to the charity shop, every little phone call I finally get round to making, however small, is a point scored for me, a cause for a small inward celebration; they are all invading the enemy's territory, undermining its foundations, and bringing my victory a little nearer.
In terms of my approach to work, the house etc. it just tends to increase my procrastination. If I'm going to do anything I want to do the whole thing, there and then; I like to feel I can do a massive job, a big noticeable task that will give me a real sense of achievement and hopefully be appreciated by everyone else. Not some minor, every day task that feels like just the tip of the big lurking iceberg.
So I don't sit down and write any of my novel because I might only have time to do 100 words and what I'd really like is to solve all the plot glitches and write at least 3 chapters. Why not wait until I can set aside a whole morning to the task, when I'm feeling fresh and full of inspiration? Of course the problem is I never actually achieve the latter, wherease if I actually did the former twice a week then by the end of the year I'd have written over 10,000 words. Maths and reality suggest this would be more promising approach, and yet than annoying little bit in my brain stops me.
In terms of jobs around the house I have to confess I take a certain satisfaction from taking a real mess and transforming it into beauty. (I blame it on too much childhood reading of The Secret Garden). In a perverse way I quite like it when the house is really untidy, the washing overflowing, and everything needs sorting and I know I can take a day to transform it. It is sort of comforting to reach a low point and know that the only way is up. I suppose I like to see where I've been. So much more rewarding than the approach I know I should do - a bit of dusting each day, a load of washing, picking up a few things as I go round. I know, deep down, that this is the answer, that it would save me having to have those awful late night cleaning sessions before the in-laws come, or panicking when someone unexpectedly calls round. But it would still take a lot of my time, and a lot of ongoing will power, and who would notice??
But enough is enough, and so I am starting to change my thinking, to adjust to a new way of looking at things. I am coming to realise that the all out battles often leave me feeling exhausted, frustrated and no closer to winning the war. So I'm trying to adopt the long term trategy. I like to think of it as "creeping death" (where death is a good thing you understand, in terms of the clutter in my house and my in-tray).
Every toy I pick up, every piece of clothing that goes through the wash, every item that goes to the charity shop, every little phone call I finally get round to making, however small, is a point scored for me, a cause for a small inward celebration; they are all invading the enemy's territory, undermining its foundations, and bringing my victory a little nearer.
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